My Weekend So Far...

This weekend things came to a bit of a head. My biggest issue in basically the whole time we been trying to start this up has been the "strength" of the spanking. I was having a hard time telling whether or not it's because the reality just isn't living up to the fantasy, or if it's because I have an untrained HoH...Well, now I'm positive that it's just his experience.

Confession...I've been really unsupportive of the fact that he's working so much. He's not even working all day on the weekends. I just like waking up next to him. Not only have I been keeping the house in a terrible state but I've been pretty unacceptably lazy for over the last two years. And I'm not working. I haven't been cooking or cleaning with regularity, and it's out of control. And the spankings haven't really helped so far. It's really engrained in me.

So I ended up picking an argument at the worst time, right before bed when he had to wake up in 6 hours. He'd had hit. He ripped into me about everything that was going on. And started talking about how spanking just didn't seem to be working. I said that I knew I needed to work harder and I really didn't want to give it up on domestic discipline yet. And he got really soft(that dangerous soft) and replied that he hadn't said anything about stopping, and that it was just obvious that he was going to have to up the severity until it actually worked. And then he gave me the hardest hand spanking I've ever had. His hand really felt like wood. I felt it the next morning, which is a first.

Now because of time constraints we still haven't gotten to do a full fledged spanking "session" yet but he's definitely becoming more efficient at quickies. And I've also realized that I push instantly, as hard as I can. Especially if something isn't the way I expected it to be. It's a strange conundrum. I want to be more submissive and "not in" control, but only when it suits me? Well that is NOT how this is going to work.

Writing this made me feel pretty guilty so I'm going to start on cleaning and see how much I can get done before he gets home...