The different types of Domestic Discipline

When Cal and I tried to do research on domestic discipline to facilitate communications about what exact type of  domestic discipline we wanted. I know each relationship is going to have its own unique set of rules and standards, decided amongst the couple, but there is no denying that in this large virtual meeting place we call the Internet contains a plethora of information on the subject. And that sometimes we find articles that really resonate with us, while others seem so foreign we would never term them dd. There are of course several different recognized "categories" of dd, and I thought I would do a review and a little bit of an exploration into each of them.

1950's Household 

The 1950's Household is a harkening back to a different time when the roles of the household were more defined and divorce rates were lower. The husbands generally worked to support the family and the wives kept the house in order and had dinner on the table when their husbands came home. In addition there is an element of "proper attire" as both men and women kept up appearances more rigidly in those days.
While I haven't been able to find many websites or articles dedicated to 1950's Household domestic discipline precisely, I do think the idea is a fairly easy one to grasp, especially when there is a lot of public nostalgia for the time. There is also one "tribe" dedicated to the subject. Here is an short article written by the group moderator on being a good 1950's wife.




In terms of domestic discipline, the idea of taking your wife over your knee was a lot more accepted, and was even displayed in ads and tv. One of the most famous examples of this is the show I Love Lucy. In several episodes, Lucy's antics result in her being taken over Ricki's knee.


How prevalent was actual domestic discipline in 1950's households? No one really knows for sure, but as the paragraph above explains it is about a good deal more than the discipline. Although traditionally the head of a 1950's household was male, the ideals can work on any variant. One thing is for sure, this particular brand of domestic discipline certainly had the largest amount of readily searchable photos...















Taken in Hand


I don't think I could do a better job than the taken in hand website itself when it comes to describing the ideals of the movement:

An overview of Taken In Hand

A Taken In Hand relationship is a wholehearted sexually exclusive marriage in which, to the delight of both spouses, the man actively controls the woman. The degree of control and the way the husband retains control vary from Taken In Hand couple to Taken In Hand couple, but in all cases both husband and wife actively want the husband to have the upper hand. No matter how strong, tough and forceful a Taken In Hand wife may be, and no matter how hard she might try to take control in their marriage, she would be aghast if her husband were to let her get the upper hand. Likewise, no matter how loving, kind and considerate the husband may be, he prefers to keep his wife firmly in hand.

I feel like I should also point out that while many people who participate on the site practice domestic discipline and many practicers of domestic discipline believe in at least some of the ideals of the Taken in Hand overview, the creator of the website does not consider it domestic discipline.
 I wanted to create a new kind of site – not a standard relationship site on which it is completely taken for granted that to have a good relationship, husband and wife must be equal and seen to be equal (whether they like it or not) – and on the other hand, not a standard traditional site on which it is taken for granted that the wife should submit to her husband – but also not a BDSM / D/s / SM sex site (which all leave me personally completely cold, if not queasy). I wanted my site to be free of the cliquey language, embarrassing rituals and modes of address and the surprisingly narrow thinking one finds on D/s and BDSM sites, and as a non-spanko, I wanted a site that would also not be a DD site. I wanted this to be a site on which no one would be accused of ‘topping from the bottom’ or of being insufficiently submissive. I wanted the site to foster non-stereotypical, evolving, exciting unlabelled relationships in which the spouses do not feel trapped in ill-fitting role boxes.


There are certainly some controversial articles on the taken in hand website. Not the least of which is one entitled "When rape is a gift". I'm not going to describe the article, I don't necessarily disagree with the actual idea of the article, but I don't think "rape" is the right word at all.




Christian Domestic Discipline


Christian Domestic Discipline is the enactment of traditional roles as ascribed in the bible.

• The husband is the head of the household, whilst the wife is submissive to her husband as if the Lord Himself was her husband. See Eph. 5:22-24.
• The husband is to love his wife as himself, and as Christ loved the church. He is to be a servant, and leads by example. He is to lay down his life for her. See Eph. 5:25-29.
• The wife is to reverence her husband. She is to obey him, so long as his instructions are not in opposition to God's commands. See Titus 2:5, Acts 5:29.

There are a number of websites other than one linked with the title (see above) dedicated to christian domestic discipline, and it is a very popular blog label. http://lovedandspankedwife.wordpress.com/

Loving Domestic Discipline

This is another one that I can't really find a specific website defining specific ideals too, although it is a very popular blog label. I believe it is the idea of domestic discipline based first and foremost on the foundation of "love", as opposed to traditional roles or biblical themes. A mutual decision made by both parties to have one take the lead in things and the other to be punished for mutually agreed upon things. Within this type of relationship it seems more common for the couple to have "contracts" upon which punishment is based.

This Thing We Do

This thing we do is a forum(linked above) as well as a term used by many who don't like the feel of the other names listed here.  

There are a lot of things we could call it. Domestic discipline is one name. Rules or structure is another. Whatever it is, it works for some people. I am an adult woman, a feminist, and dedicated to principles of nonviolence. I do not believe that any of this is incompatible with the fact that I have asked my partner to help me with creating rules and structure in my life, nor that the consequence of my failure to adhere to the rules and structure is often a spanking.

I do not believe that my relationship has been ordained by any higher power, nor that I need this structure because I am a woman. I do not believe that discipline requires a heterosexual partnership.

I believe that discipline in my relationship is consistent with healthy adult functioning. I believe that, far from hindering my process of healing from childhood abuse, discipline and structure can be a healing force. I believe that power exchange is not solely erotic.

I trust my own perceptions of what is and is not working, and I trust my partner's perceptions of the same. 


The forum isn't exactly abuzz with activity but it can be very useful and it is a good place for those looking for a rather dry(not overtly sexual) discussion of discipline spankings. There is a pretty heavy F/M presence as well, which makes sense to me as the only other term which really defines F/M relationships is Femdom which seems a bit harsher than DD. F/F is also represented. Basically it is a category for those who don't wish to be categorized. 

So, after all this, I'm left with the question....Which category most closely resembles us? Well I think as many others probably find, we prefer the simple term domestic discipline for our relationship. This is because we find aspects in many of the different categories applicable, but none of them wholey so.  


1950's Household


I really like the idea of a 1950's household, and when I'm staying at home with the children it is my ideal to fill that role. Yes, I am terrible at it , but I AM working on it and I hope to become much more efficient in time. I also like the idea of maintaining appearances, but we don't really have the money to invest in ourselves at the moment. I think the big difference it that I will be working once all our kids go off to school. In this "economy"(although I really hate saying that), it seems unfair to leave the financial burden all on him, and I think having a part time job that funds activities and vacations is a good idea. 


Taken in Hand                                                                                                                                                                I generally agree but as a spanko i would never term myself as taken in hand. 


Christian Domestic Discipline
Not religious at all, even a little bit. Not against it, just completely inapplicable to our relationship


Loving Domestic Discipline
Agree with the ideals(as I perceived them), but I feel like the "loving" part comes across as just a bit judgemental as though other categories of dd aren't also based on "love".

Although I find some aspects of bdsm erotic, I have never been into "slave" and "master" roles, piercing, whips, and in general a lot of the aspects of a bdsm lifestyle. I like the idea of light bondage, I like the idea of nipple pinching during sex, I like the erotic aspects of some pain. I'm not at all hardcore about my erotic pain. It is easy for me to separate the feeling of "punishment" versus "erotic" spanking. However we do usually have sex after a punishment session, and I am always pretty turned on...I don't know how to describe it, but it is different.


I don't enjoy a punishment spanking while it's happening. I think what I find erotic is having him assert his dominance and I LOVE it when he reinforces it sexually right afterwards. I know some people think sex and dd should have nothing to do with each other...but that's their thing. I'm a grown woman. I don't think of spanking as a kid thing, never have. Never ever wanted a spanking from an adult when I was a child. I hate roleplay. I have always thought of spanking as an adult consensual thing. And I have ALWAYS found it erotic. Not that I have anything against roleplay by the way, in case that seemed harsh, sincerely, when it comes to sex and relationships, to each their own.


In conclusion, yeah, I think I'll stick with the term ttwd.