So we basically have three different levels at the moment.
-Hand
-Spoon/Spatula/Brush
-Belt
Cal wants to eventually get a paddle and possibly a cane (the cane freaks me out a bit) and to have 5 different levels.
Anyway, yesterday I fell into another round of not doing anything. Including feeding myself. We had a midwife appointment and I learned that I'd actually lost 4 pounds. They said it was fine as long as I was getting 3 square meals a day, which I'm not, so all in all Cal was pretty pissed. And to top it off I wasn't in any mood to have a domestic discipline relationship yesterday so I kept arguing against it. By the time it was due I had worked my way up the belt. Which let me just say is worse than the others. I can still feel it today. I had maybe 30 on each side, not full force. Even with the intensity I found myself craving more...I really want to be broken down I think, I know that's not a possibility right now, but that doesn't mean the craving isn't there, just the same as the craving to drink and occasionally to smoke(although I've quit and am never going back) and to eat sushi and ride roller coasters. I'm still me after all.
I just want to stop wondering if it's just me wanting it to be more of a punishment or if I've spent so much time entrenched in this longing that it will never actually work as discipline in the real sense. It will certainly always turn me on. We were able to have sex yesterday afterwards for the first time in a few weeks and it just felt....AMAZING! I need constant sex. I become very difficult without being taken at least once a week.
I am feeling more obedient today...I've been working on docs for our mortgage all morning, and I'm about to start on the boxing, (after this quick blog break of course).
I'm suprised at how bold and honest I'm getting on this thing. So far Cal hasn't read it but it is kind of busting with thoughts I haven't shared with him, so it will be interesting whenever he does finally take a look. I've been very purposefully trying to draw attention away from it, I use safari for all of my....searches and kink related affairs, and we mainly use firefox. All for now, I've been trying to spread out my thoughts on this thing so I don't burn out. Second part of that story to come soon.
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
20 October 2011
18 October 2011
Been doing a bit better
I don't know if its the harder quickies or it's because we are in the process of closing on a our first home though. Pretty motivated to get this place packed up. I'm doing a purge. I want to get rid of most of my clothes and slowly start buying 50's styles dresses. I've always been a big dress wearer, but last pregnancy I slipped into long comfortable hippy esque dresses. But lately I've been obsessed with the idea of stockings and garter belts. Twenty-five is just too early to be giving up on fashion. Cal wants to go for the more 1920's look of slacks and vests, which I find extremely sexy. That's been another extremely stressful portion of our domestic discipline. Basically as soon as we had to take a break from sex, so this whole time I've been ravenously turned on and FRUSTRATED. After a spanking being touched is well and fine, but sometimes I just want to be filled and have his warm body crash into mine. Especially if it's from behind and my ass is blazing...sigh...It's making it harder for me not to fantasize about meeting a professional disciplinarian, which I've always wondered about. I guess it is one of the thing I wish I'd done at age 18 just so that I'd have a comparison. And sometimes the craving becomes relentless. Not that I'd do it...but I don't like having fantasies that don't revolve around my husband.
13 October 2011
A long time coming (Part One)
As I sit and write this I am currently procrastinating on housework. I'm going for that last minute burst of energy hopefully I'll do enough to save my butt.
So it's been two weeks since my husband and I started our latest dd efforts. But I feel like the best way to start this thing is with a little background, I promise I'll write interesting perspective pieces after this stuff is all out of the way.
Spanking as well as domestic discipline has been a part of my inner mind since the awakening of my sexuality. The word spanking has excited me for as long as I remember, and the word spanking has fascinated me since I first looked it up in a dictionary sometime before the age of ten. During my teens, I spent anytime I could on the computer soaking up stories and other information I was too young for. While other teens dreamed of backstreet boys, I fantasized about strong dominant men who would take me over their knee when I needed it. I dreamed of the day when I turned 18 and could finally start looking for someone with the same interest. Of course I was a little nervous when the time actually came, and so I put it off and delved into university. At the end of my freshman year I met the love of my life, my now husband, we'll call him Cal. He was only 19 himself, and had dropped out of school to travel (he's originally from Oz).
We got along amazingly, but he was the skinny boy that most teenagers would go for, not the alpha male of my dreams. Regardless, I found myself more and more enthralled with him, and we ended up remaining together from the moment we left, even though a lot of that time was spent long distance figuring out how to be together in real life.
Now it took me about a year to tell Cal about my interest in spanking, and even when I did I could only bring myself to mention it in a sexual foreplay way. So for the first 3 years almost of our being together, the most I could hope for was a smack during sex or playfully. He didn't seem overly judgmental or anything, I'd just spent so much time with this secret, that actually telling anyone about it was almost impossible. Plus we did everything together. Cursed together, smoked pot together, generally had all our immature teenage experiences together.
After I graduated we decided to get married and live in Australia. I was 21 at the time. I had a lot of moments where I wondered if I'd be okay without spanking or dd in my life, and I'd decided I would. Boy was I wrong.
So it's been two weeks since my husband and I started our latest dd efforts. But I feel like the best way to start this thing is with a little background, I promise I'll write interesting perspective pieces after this stuff is all out of the way.
Spanking as well as domestic discipline has been a part of my inner mind since the awakening of my sexuality. The word spanking has excited me for as long as I remember, and the word spanking has fascinated me since I first looked it up in a dictionary sometime before the age of ten. During my teens, I spent anytime I could on the computer soaking up stories and other information I was too young for. While other teens dreamed of backstreet boys, I fantasized about strong dominant men who would take me over their knee when I needed it. I dreamed of the day when I turned 18 and could finally start looking for someone with the same interest. Of course I was a little nervous when the time actually came, and so I put it off and delved into university. At the end of my freshman year I met the love of my life, my now husband, we'll call him Cal. He was only 19 himself, and had dropped out of school to travel (he's originally from Oz).
We got along amazingly, but he was the skinny boy that most teenagers would go for, not the alpha male of my dreams. Regardless, I found myself more and more enthralled with him, and we ended up remaining together from the moment we left, even though a lot of that time was spent long distance figuring out how to be together in real life.
Now it took me about a year to tell Cal about my interest in spanking, and even when I did I could only bring myself to mention it in a sexual foreplay way. So for the first 3 years almost of our being together, the most I could hope for was a smack during sex or playfully. He didn't seem overly judgmental or anything, I'd just spent so much time with this secret, that actually telling anyone about it was almost impossible. Plus we did everything together. Cursed together, smoked pot together, generally had all our immature teenage experiences together.
After I graduated we decided to get married and live in Australia. I was 21 at the time. I had a lot of moments where I wondered if I'd be okay without spanking or dd in my life, and I'd decided I would. Boy was I wrong.
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