Been doing a bit better

I don't know if its the harder quickies or it's because we are in the process of closing on a our first home though. Pretty motivated to get this place packed up. I'm doing a purge. I want to get rid of most of my clothes and slowly start buying 50's styles dresses. I've always been a big dress wearer, but last pregnancy I slipped into long comfortable hippy esque dresses. But lately I've been obsessed with the idea of stockings and garter belts. Twenty-five is just too early to be giving up on fashion. Cal wants to go for the more 1920's look of slacks and vests, which I find extremely sexy. That's been another extremely stressful portion of our domestic discipline. Basically as soon as we had to take a break from sex, so this whole time I've been ravenously turned on and FRUSTRATED. After a spanking being touched is well and fine, but sometimes I just want to be filled and have his warm body crash into mine. Especially if it's from behind and my ass is blazing...sigh...It's making it harder for me not to fantasize about meeting a professional disciplinarian, which I've always wondered about. I guess it is one of the thing I wish I'd done at age 18 just so that I'd have a comparison. And sometimes the craving becomes relentless. Not that I'd do it...but I don't like having fantasies that don't revolve around my husband.

My Weekend So Far...

This weekend things came to a bit of a head. My biggest issue in basically the whole time we been trying to start this up has been the "strength" of the spanking. I was having a hard time telling whether or not it's because the reality just isn't living up to the fantasy, or if it's because I have an untrained HoH...Well, now I'm positive that it's just his experience.

Confession...I've been really unsupportive of the fact that he's working so much. He's not even working all day on the weekends. I just like waking up next to him. Not only have I been keeping the house in a terrible state but I've been pretty unacceptably lazy for over the last two years. And I'm not working. I haven't been cooking or cleaning with regularity, and it's out of control. And the spankings haven't really helped so far. It's really engrained in me.

So I ended up picking an argument at the worst time, right before bed when he had to wake up in 6 hours. He'd had hit. He ripped into me about everything that was going on. And started talking about how spanking just didn't seem to be working. I said that I knew I needed to work harder and I really didn't want to give it up on domestic discipline yet. And he got really soft(that dangerous soft) and replied that he hadn't said anything about stopping, and that it was just obvious that he was going to have to up the severity until it actually worked. And then he gave me the hardest hand spanking I've ever had. His hand really felt like wood. I felt it the next morning, which is a first.

Now because of time constraints we still haven't gotten to do a full fledged spanking "session" yet but he's definitely becoming more efficient at quickies. And I've also realized that I push instantly, as hard as I can. Especially if something isn't the way I expected it to be. It's a strange conundrum. I want to be more submissive and "not in" control, but only when it suits me? Well that is NOT how this is going to work.

Writing this made me feel pretty guilty so I'm going to start on cleaning and see how much I can get done before he gets home...